Militant Thistles

polemical poetry to prickle the politics of "permanent austerity"

atos Poor Doors Sheriff Stars spikes

thistles stretch their prickly arms afar

Black Triangle bedroom tax Disrupt and Upset

Josh Ekroy

Accountability

 

 

Once the rich odour emerged it was noteworthy how short a time it took

to uncover illicit mushroom-cultivation. No senior humus-shoveller

was implicated. It was in March that we understood that Compostation plc

should have been cognisant of fungus-quotas although no law was broken and

there is no question of the forager footing the bill. As for the leaked -

illegally as it turns out - celebratory emails, they were different:

Forest-Floor had a penchant for turtle’s eggs; Scarlet Hood

promised themselves steak and sushi. Only as late as November,

Morels were laughing. Their Head of Spores can count himself unfortunate

to be let go, he serves at the pleasure of those who appointed him and had no direct

involvement in a salary of 750,000 Horn O’ Plenties. All his bosses are happy

and effected a strong defence of their mould-room growths. The Fungal Risk

Committee was split in two in late 2009; it was structured as a safeguard

for leaky trugs and was not totally invisible when a rogue truffler

was rampant in 2012 and justifiably did nothing when Shitake failed

to declare their Slippery Jack percentages - and leafwatch.com were also silent.

The Fairy Ring Standards Commission, The Parliamentary Committee

for Shaggy Ink Caps, The Serious Puffball Office, The Chanterelles

of England Regulation Authority, The Chancellor of the Giant Funnel,

The Manure Submissions Tsar and Compassion in Meadow Growth

were all consulted. It’s in the nature of their roles that they must

operate in darkness, so it’s unreasonable to ask them to shine a torch

- however dim - on the spread of the Red-Banded Polypore.

Josh Ekroy's collection, Ways To Build A Roadblock, is published by Nine Arches Press. His poems appear in Magma, Ink Sweat & Tears, Lost Voices (Liquorice Fish) and many others.

The Badger Cull Cookbook

 

 

100 delicious badger recipes

brought to you by our team of expert chefs

from the ecologically managed woodlands

of royal Gloucestershire and sun-kissed Somerset.

Have fun creating mouth-watering sauces

to enhance that unique, gamey

flavour. Our highly qualified panel of nutritionists

show how to ensure the animals are absolutely free

of tubercules. Serving suggestions include:

badger steaks in stripy sauce; leg of badger in peanut butter;

consomme for that quick snack

made from pre-packed badger soup cubes -

simply add boiling water, stir, and serve with croutons.

And the No.1 favourite: spicy ’n tender badger-cub goulash

with thick dairy cream. Our specially developed

safe method of gun-shot extraction from all meat-fibres

means you can enjoy your badger cuts

with a quiet mind. And for the more adventurous,

badger bladder is suggested for our unique haggis.

Remember: we never recommend using meat from badgers

that have been gassed, (even though the majority

of gassed badgers are thought to be safe to eat by experts)

so only our recipes are free from cyanide. And don’t forget:

there are even some fabulous ways of enhancing

your kitchen with our oven gloves

lined with 100% heat-proof de luxe badger fur,

a must-have for any self-respecting gastronome

and completely free with five or more copies ordered.